I Resolve to Not Make a Resolution

I might have been about 7 years old on New Year's Eve when the video camera was on me and I was asked what my resolution was going to be. After thinking for a quick moment, I responded that I was going to stop biting my nails. Fast forward 19 years and I still have this gross and disgusting habit. Resolution failed. Since then, I really can't remember ever making another resolution. In fact, I'd been pretty adamant not to make one.

Not to sound cliché, but people sure know how to talk the talk but do the ever really walk the walk? Maybe they take two steps and sit right back down in their bathrobe to have that third donut. Every year, you resolve to transform yourself, not necessarily into perfection, but definitely into that successful, fit, charming and patient person. I'm all for turning over a new leaf in the New Year, but do you think that starting the day after the biggest party of the year, a completely new lifestyle is going to stay? Let's give ourselves some time to recuperate.

Let's go ahead and say that you resolve to quit smoking, or to work out every day, or to be more patient and caring of others. Three to five days go by and you lose your temper, or you sneak that cigarette. Resolution failed and you think to yourself, "There’s always next year". There's too much pressure around a resolution and let's face it, it'll never stick. Not to be a pessimist, but we all know this is the case.

Here's what I say, screw the resolutions and let's make a change on our own time. Why wait for a new year to change ourselves for the better? Start a gradual change, eat healthy when you can and after a few weeks of feeling pretty good, get yourself some more exercise. If you screw up and have that chocolate cake or sleep in and lay on the couch instead of that spin class, who cares? Tomorrow is a new day and that's the great thing about life. Every morning we wake up and the sun is shining ready for us to make of it what we please. Start over. Don't wait another 11 months to make that change, start again. Be the "do-er" in your life, in your family, in your social circle and your motivation and consistent perseverance could be an inspiration to someone else.

The only thing a new year is good for is one hell of an overpriced party and three weeks of writing the wrong date. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't make a resolution, but perhaps why not set some goals for the New Year instead? You have time to work toward it, something to strive for, and won't experience the immediate failure of trying to be the "perfect" you.   The year isn’t ruined and the world didn’t end but we aren’t getting any younger.  Let’s grab life by the horns and just have fun while being the new and improved you when you can.

Online Dating: Is Love Virtual Too?

We're in the age of virtual everything. From your Facebook "friends" confusing their private journal with their timeline and posting photos of your ugly lunch on Instagram, every aspect of our lives exists in a virtual sense. So why not love? Pay $50 for a membership and you too can meet the man of your dreams. Or as it happened in my case, living in Los Angeles for one year without so much as a date can make the offer sound very tempting. When you're tired of the "bar scene", it's not really the scene you're tired of, but the nonsense sex and few awkward hangouts that occur after because you've ruined any chance of actually trying to date. Face it, he was cuter after three shots of tequila but you continue to hang, maybe, if you're lucky, because you don't want to be labeled the "slut" so we acknowledge that the relationship just didn't work.

After this moment, which we must take half the blame for, we as women realize that it's time to meet a nice guy who has similar interests and won't spill beer on his hipster flannel while trying chugging to impress his immature buddies. Enter online dating. We're not desperate, just selective. After all of my experiences from the fun, to the drunk, to the ugly to the straight-up clingy, you tend to learn a thing or two. Online dating is not for those hopeless romantics who have this twisted fantasy that love is literally a click away to the first guy who emails with a witty pick up line. I'm convinced that a solid 60% of men who have profiles are really only looking for a lay. It's the new lazy man's way. I have given into this just too many times!! You assume because they're on a website looking for love that they MUST want the same things as you. That this sloppy two-night stand is sooooo going to turn into in a relationship! Score! But no, it'll taper off and let’s face it, with ten more guys at your finger tips; you brush it off and continue looking. You're always looking.

As humans, we tend to disregard the things that come too easily to us. It isn't until you there is a real sacrifice, dedication and hard work that you acquire an appreciation for whatever. With dozens of available men with a limited risk of rejection, it's a single lady's fantasy. But this is what I've really come to learn when I've taken the blinders.

I've dated a lot. Many of them were creeps, didn't want the same things in life, wore really high socks, put their cup down on the table too hard, had terrible taste in music, couldn't make every fantasy come true, hated country, dealt drugs and the list goes on. All you can think in your head is "LOSER!" and you doubt why you ever got online in the first place. With the ghosts of horrible dates past still playing over in your head, your standards are lowered because you feel like you'll never meet someone. Enter Joe Schmoe. He has a job, is attractive and you can actually talk to him. He's bearable to be around and you can keep a conversation alive. So you have date number two. Then another and another until finally two months have passed. At this time, you think to yourself that if you've been dating him for this long; it must be something and have the "exclusive talk". Without even realizing it, you've settled. You've finally mistaken butterflies for "I don't hate him" and subconsciously think that you're not going to get any better. It's the comparison that makes him seem like Prince Charming. Ladies, Prince Charming does not exist. If he does, well, Kate Middleton already snagged that one. But what I do know is that there are Chandlers and Teds out there who are quirky, stupid and sometimes impossible, but they're genuine and truly care for you.

As a Christian, we are taught that if you chase God, happiness follows. For the non-believers out there, I say chase yourself. Fill your schedule. Make dinner dates with friends; see that movie you've been waiting for, even if it is alone. Get lost in your hobbies and books. Once you're living your life for you and no one else, you're at a perfect place for happiness to just fall in. From there, confidence will emerge and you find yourself smiling more. Then when you're not even looking for it, I'm positive the perfect guy will come along. Don't get me wrong, he's not going to be perfect, flawless and a chizzled six-pack but he'll be perfect for you. And the most important part is that he'll be attracted to you and not the profile you created tailored to be the right thing for someone to love.

I sure don't have it figured out and yes, I'm single, but I do have faith in what's to come. Don't let the online world of fake men jade you. Take control of your own life then love and happiness will follow.

Careers

Growing up, my mom always told me that I could fall back on my writing.  I used to come home with these well written essays, A’s plastered on the top, gold stars stuck all over, being so proud of myself.  My mom was always proud of me, but me being an overachiever who earned A’s in all sorts of subjects warranted nothing to be put on the fridge unless I did it myself.  

When deciding what to do with my life, the echo of my mother’s voice telling me I could be a writer was always in my head, but I knew it was her way of saying I could be the next Meryl Streep if I acted (which I did), or the next Whitney Houston if I could sing (which I can’t).  But now I realize, the reason I thought I could never be a writer was because I had absolutely nothing to write about. 

Let’s face it, no one ever sets out to be a mediocre anything.  I always thought if I was going to write for others to read it, I was going to have to be an award-winning author on the New York Times’ Best Seller’s List.  It’s now I realize that if I can affect even one person’s life through my own thoughts put down onto paper, or the web, then I have a purpose.

 If you ask any child what they want to be when they grow up, they’ll give you their answer with all the hope in the world.  We know in our minds, being jaded and having experienced the real world, it’s not always possible.  Even if it is, it’s a hell of a lot of work.  But have you ever asked them why? 

“Why do you want to be a fire fighter?  Why do you want to be a veterinarian? ” 

Most of the time, they’ll respond with, “I want to help”.

Whether it’s helping sick animals, helpless victims, hurting patients, they just want to help.  Helping gives us a purpose in life.  Isn’t that what all of us hope to find? A purpose?

It’s not until high school where you’re asked the question again.  This time, our answers are more motivated by how much money we’ll make, how society will view us, or more importantly, seeking the approval of our parents and peers.   

Fast forward 7 years.  You’ve graduated college.  Hell, you may have even dropped out.  We knew what we wanted all along, worked hard for it, and stayed focused, motivated and driven.  We get to the real world only to be disappointed.  We’re yelled at more often than praised.  No matter how much money we make, or raises we receive, we’re still not rich enough.   That corner office doesn’t come soon enough.  You’re underappreciated, overworked and never get to share your opinion.

“If only my boss could see how hard I work!  If only he could see the hours I put in and what I really do.  They would really miss me if I wasn’t here.  No one could do what I do.”

The sad part is, you’re not the only one who does what you do.  And guess what, your boss does see all the things that you do but just doesn’t care.   It’s time to pull our big girl panties and make a decision.  Do we leave because we’re not getting what we want?  Do we change careers to something that will put us on the fast track to fame and fortune?  

No one understands what we’re going through.   Everyone else has it so put together!  

I don't, and they sure as hell don't.  I have a degree, Bachelor’s degree of Science, actually.  We always make it sound way more important than it is, don’t we? We just can’t help by think, “When is someone going to take me seriously!?”

My friends, you are taken seriously.  How do you think you landed that job in the first place?  How do you think you’ve received those letters of recommendations from your mentors?

It’s when we can stop thinking about the fast track to success, money and the power to control our peers that we’ll discover our purpose in life.  To a career that can actually bring us joy!!